I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
