Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
