First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
