I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
