one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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