I wanna bring you to show and tell
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
