shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
