You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
