i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize