This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
