We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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