just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
