Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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