2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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