i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There's always time for handjobs
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
