You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
