I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
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hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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