do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
