I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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