im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
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