what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
