I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
