There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
