Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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