I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
