i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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