His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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