I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
