I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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