I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
