I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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