How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize