Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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