I want to make a zoo with you.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
