its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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