youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I hope mine doesn't look like that
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
