There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
