you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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