puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
