that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He kissed a someone with a penis
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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