Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
