She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
