I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
