is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
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