party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
