woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
