JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
