Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
