so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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