i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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