i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
