by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
