Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
