Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
