Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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