whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
