Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
