i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
