as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
