this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
