I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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