Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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