Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
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You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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