ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
