so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
