I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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