dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
