And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize