Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
