he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
